April, 2020
I’m residing in sunny California, hiding from the pandemic as most of us are. I’ve learned two new, important things about myself over the course of this time in quarantine and though I’m terribly homesick I know I’ll count this time as having been valuable.
1. Baking is Magic - It’s something that always seemed out of my reach with it’s exact measurements and methods. Is there a phrase like “green thumb”, except for baking? Because I have that. I swear everytime I open the oven it’s like some miracle has occurred, and I can barely believe I’m responsible.
2. Solitude is a Need - I’ve adored the latest suggestions that distance is the 6th love language, and I always knew that I was one who required alone time, but I learned that solitude is actually different than the *feeling* of being alone. I can be physically alone in a space, but if I’m still hearing noises from outside the room, that’s not solitude. I can find quiet space to be alone, but if anyone might walk into that space at any time guess what - that’s not solitude.
In March I read Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. What a gift to be living a bleeding need, and reading these words:
“Deliberate Practice is best conducted alone for several reasons. It takes intense concentration, and other people can be distracting. It requires deep motivation, often self-generated. But most important, it involves working on the task that’s most challenging to you personally. Only when you’re alone, can you ‘go directly to the part that’s challenging to you. If you want to improve what you’re doing, you have to be the one who generates the move’”. --- Cain was quoting Anders Ericsson, a researcher who studied expert violinists and the difference between “good performers” and “best performers”.
I require solitude to do the hard parts of my physical job. Exploring new & maybe strange movement pathways, working on the hardest, weakest of my skills. I require solitude to recharge. The more I practice saying these truths to myself, the more accurately I can honor them while staying in my dignity.